Target is already my perfect little Land of Mommy Escapism. They seduce us with their clearance sections, adorable home décor that you never knew you needed, and clothing that is sure to dazzle at the next PTO meeting. Plus, who can pass up that glorious two hour wander away from the hum drum world of sippie cups and toy explosions with nothing but the sound of a squeaky shopping cart wheel and light music in the background? It truly is a little slice of heaven.
As if Target could possibly seduce us more than they already do, with their kombucha selection and Starbucks counters, they have recently announced a location that is slated to open in the windy city by October that has applied for not one, but two liquor licenses – one to sell packaged alcohol, and one to serve beer, wine, and cocktails.
Wait. Read that again. Target wants to have a bar in their store. A bar, people. Let that sink in. So now, for those of you lucky enough to live within an hour of Chicago (or twelve hours - because really, how far is too far to drive to a Target that serves booze?), you can head to Target as per usual and come home with that perfect ceramic porcupine to fill that hole in your mantle, laundry detergent, and snacks for the kids to have after school - all while having a glass of Pinot Noir or three.
I imagine, should this catch on and roll out nationwide, that a Target shopping trip will now look like this:
Wait. Read that again. Target wants to have a bar in their store. A bar, people. Let that sink in. So now, for those of you lucky enough to live within an hour of Chicago (or twelve hours - because really, how far is too far to drive to a Target that serves booze?), you can head to Target as per usual and come home with that perfect ceramic porcupine to fill that hole in your mantle, laundry detergent, and snacks for the kids to have after school - all while having a glass of Pinot Noir or three.
I imagine, should this catch on and roll out nationwide, that a Target shopping trip will now look like this:
- Make a shopping list consisting of mascara, dish soap, and college ruled paper.
- Drive to Target.
- Grab a lovely glass of Pinot Noir. Yum.
- Dollar Spot. Buy $22 worth of headphones, notebooks, patterned pails and popcorn holders.
- Don't even ask what happened in the jewelry and accessories.
- Wine. Preferably something a little cheaper than the first glass.
- Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes. Shoes.
- New Seasonal Clothing.
- Summer Swimsuit Clearance.
- Jack Daniels Shot - necessary after that dressing room experience.
- Beer Chaser. Jack is rough.
- Home stuff.
- Something about food.
- Wine.
- What the hell was I supposed to get here?
- Dear Uber, Come get me. I'm done.
- Arrive home.
- Realize you've spent $347. You're totally sloshed at 2 in the afternoon. You left your car in the parking lot of Target. You lost your list somewhere. And you didn't buy anything that you were supposed to buy.
Oh, Target. I'm not sure if I love or hate you clever little jerks. I guess I will have to have Uber give me a lift back to your store tomorrow morning so we can discuss it over some Starbucks... or a Bloody Mary. Besides, I think I need mascara.
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