Hi. My name is Deanna. I am a textbook free spirit. I am happiest when I am creating - music, writing, crafting, baking, building... if creativity is involved, I'm in my prime. With great freedom and great creativity comes an rigid inability to be, well, rigid. A structured lifestyle has a way of stumping my creative thinking, but being 100% fluid doesn't bode well with actually accomplishing anything. It's a vicious cycle.
What I'm learning about myself is that greatness is achieved not through structure, but through repetition. We are what we repeatedly do. And by giving myself the "freedom" to be creative, I'm also giving myself permission to fail. Thus, being a free spirit is in and of itself, a conundrum, and I'm frankly a bit exhausted by the struggle that it creates for me.
I am a free spirit. I am creative. I am happiest when I'm creating. So why am I allowing my lack of ability to be anything other than fluid to keep me from achieving what makes me happy? It doesn't make any sense. Netflix and coloring books are great for the anxiety, but I'm getting nowhere in life by staying submersed in them. And worse, I'm holding myself back from achieving the happiness that I experience by being creative. The result? The past few weeks, I've spent my days restless. It's the same feeling that you get when you're starving because you haven't eaten all day, but absolutely nothing sounds appetizing. I'm starting here.
This blog just sits here, begging to be updated. I make excuses: I don't know what people will want to read. I don't have a defined topic for the blog. It's small and has been severely neglected, so it would be fruitless. Even so, I'm taking it on. I'm going to use this blog as a place to write regularly, as a way to guide my unstructured free spirit towards some structure and a way to make sure that I'm feeling accomplished and satisfied, as opposed to hiding behind laziness and claiming failure. I can't tell you what I will write about. I can't know for sure if I will be sharing random thoughts or health and fitness updates or crafty successes or minifarm madness or parenting disasters. I just know, that without fail, I'm going to make myself show up here. Regularly. And I will be putting something out there for someone or no one to read.
We are what we repeatedly do. I am going to repeatedly write. I am a writer, and I'm done letting fear of failure rule my life and send me into hiding. All systems ignite. Prepared for takeoff.
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